Someday We’ll Be Together

Someday we’ll be together
I’ve known this from the start
When so quickly we developed
A deep connection of the heart

So quickly you became
The centre of my universe
But we’re separated by a border
As if by some evil curse

On a beautiful winter’s day
I married the love of my life
And we rang in the New Year
As husband and wife

Someday we’ll be together
And everything will be right
Someday we’ll be together
No matter how hard we have to fight

I miss you so much
But our love is strong
Someday we’ll be together
Even if the wait is long

Someday we’ll be together
I’ll wait for you forever

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The Speed of Time

Time is strange. Scientifically each second lasts long as the next and as the one before. No day is any longer than any other. But time only really matters in the way we experience it. Time can seem to move too fast sometimes and at other times painfully slow.

I have a love of numbers and counting, quite possibly of an obsessive-compulsive nature. I particularly like to count time. Time holds special meaning to me because I ‘see’ time through time-space synaesthesia. At any given time I can ‘feel’ and ‘see’ my precise location in space on the curves and slopes of my internal yearly calendar, on the span of time, and on the waves of the time of day. Even on this internal calendar not all time is created equal with some months being larger than others in space. Yet I like to count time as if by doing so I control the experience of it. I count minutes, hours, days, months, years. I count time elapsed, I count down time. I’ll even count seconds when I think it will make time pass more quickly. This assumes that time follows the scale and patterns dictated by the ticking of the clock, but it really does nothing to affect the speed of time in the manner I desire, be that to speed it up or slow it down, and it probably often has the opposite effect.

The 5 months we waited to meet felt like years as we got to know each other so well. Yet the minutes fly by when we talk on the phone. A 20 minute conversation with you feels like just a few minutes. When we talk for hours, it feels like an hour at the most. Waiting for you to come online or call sometimes feels like an eternity. Sometimes the passage of time can be agonizing.

We waited so long to meet and finally I arrived. The happiest moment in my life was stepping off that train and running into your arms. I can replay that moment in slow motion over and over again. I remember you leaning down trying to kiss me but I had to squeeze you first and hold you for a minute with my head buried in your chest before looking up at you and kissing you for the very first time. We spent 10 wonderful days and nights together, laughing, smiling, making love, holding each other, just looking at each other in disbelief that we were finally in each other’s presence. But before we knew it, it was over. We were husband and wife but we could no longer be together. Those were the fastest 10 days of my life! So many happy memories together, but it all ended way too fast! Even our goodbye seemed to happen so fast. The train pulled up, you helped me carry my luggage on, a quick hug and kiss and you were gone. While I can replay our meeting in slow motion, our goodbye flashes through my mind in an instant. And so began the long, sad train ride home. I cried and slept the whole way home. (Good thing I took that huge wad of kleenexs from your room before I left.) The all day journey seemed so much longer than on the way there when I was anticipating joy upon arrival. I no longer had anything to look forward to in the immediate future.

I longed for you before we even met. I knew it would get harder once we had finally been together and had to go back to being apart. What I didn’t anticipate is the feeling that time has practically ground to a hault. We’ve only been married for 13 days, but the last 8 of those have been spent apart. It feels like an eternity. Every second I long for you so deeply it physically hurts. Days are going by so slowly now, more slowly than I’ve ever experienced the passage of time. I had hoped that the next 16 months apart until we can finally be together forever would pass somewhat quickly, fueled by our memories of being together, but at this rate it feels like a lifetime until that day finally comes, a lifetime of tears and pain. I love you so much it hurts, and sometimes I don’t know how I’ll make it through to next spring when all I want is for you to be here right now, to hold you in my arms everyday, to fall asleep next to you each night, and to wake up next to you each and every morning for the rest of our lives. ♥

Tick………Tock……….Tick……….Tock

I wish I could speed up this clock.

Our Story – Part 1

Sometimes you find love in the most unexpected of places, and that is certainly true in our case.

It was June of 2012. I was stuck in an abusive relationship. Over the years I had often tried to escape my life through fantasy. But on this particular occassion I discovered a very active online community discussing events in the news. I quickly found many people I could relate to and enjoyed these new friendships very much.

I remember the very first time we spoke publicly. Teddy created a post on a topic that interested me, I responded. (I later found out he wrote the post hoping that I would respond.) Right off the bat he seemed like a highly intelligent individual. I wasn’t looking for love and I had no thoughts at that time that anything would develop between us.

A few weeks later, on a Saturday night, things were quiet in the online community. I saw that Teddy was one of my few contacts online so I messaged him to chat. He was busy and we didn’t end up chatting that night.

Another few weeks passed and we interacted publicly, but had not even really developed a friendship like I had with some of the female contacts I’d met. Then one day Teddy messaged me that he had to tell me something. He was messaging me to warn me about about a particular individual in the community, someone who was pretending to be something they’re not. I thanked him for telling me and thought “He’s a good guy for warning me like that when he doesn’t even know me.”

Over the next week or so we spent a lot of time chatting. He made me laugh a lot, mostly with jokes about my native country. At first our chats revolved around topics of interest, but soon we began to share personal details of our lives. I had been told for so long that there are details of my life that, if I shared them, would cause people to reject me. I had nothing to lose and something urged me to pour out all the details of my history to this stranger online. Unexpectedly, Teddy did not reject me. He was kind and compassionate. I decided it would be ok to share a photo of myself with him. I started to develop feelings for him, but still didn’t think much of it at this point.

It was the end of July and finally one day after chatting all day, I asked him if he would call me. I wanted to put a voice to this person I had spent so much time talking to online. After that first phone call, we talked every night that weekend. He made me smile and laugh even more on the phone than he did online. We were in love by the end of that first weekend. We both knew it seemed so fast to be having these feelings, so we didn’t tell each other in so many words, but we both knew. ♥

To be continued…

Missing You

I missed you before I ever met you. Sounds impossible, I know. But since meeting you I miss you so much more. I now have all these memories, not just hopes and dreams, of time spent with you. So many little things we can’t do right now. I want to wake up next you everyday. I want to feel the sun on my face as I walk down the street holding your hand. I want to smell you as I close my eyes and go to sleep each night.

You are all I think about! Night and day! Our love is so perfect and so pure. I know we will make it through. I know we will never betray each other. I don’t worry about ever having any serious problems in our relationship, because I know we communicate so well and will maturely work out any differences we may have.

But I just can’t stop missing you! I can’t stop wishing you were here right now. I can’t stop wishing there was a way we could be together sooner or see each other more often. It’s only been 5 days since I left you, but it feels like so much longer than the ten days we spent together! Why do the happy times have to go so fast and the times of longing seem so long?

I feel so lucky that we found each other. I truly believe you to be my soul mate. We will pass this test of time and distance. ♥